What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 02:25
But ive been too sick for many years..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She was in good health!
How do you know how physically attractive you actually are?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Is it wise to SECRETLY expose a narcissist by telling others that he/she is a covert narcissist?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I said to her
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My life is so biszare .
How can I get my ex-husband to love me again?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
What do you think hell is like?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I will be 64.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why do Muslims not get HIV/AIDS in spite of having 4 wives and multiple relationships?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Do you have pics of the wife making out with another guy?
All the time i was locked up.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I have no regrets .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was 9 years of age.
Does being poor build better character than being born rich?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Put me off passion for life!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As i do to all so called friends.?
(And it was in our own minds.)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im still living with it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She wouldn,t have been !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So, i spoilt her more .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was seconnd youngest,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I waited trembling.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Would this be the day?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
This is soul school!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Ive learnt so much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I don,t even have a pension.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And i lived it daily.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Was to survive, this bastard.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
What did i know ?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We were not on the streets..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She loved him until the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But it wasn’t much.
I think the readers, may guess!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Who then, do I blame.?
It was going to be , some day.
She found it foreign!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I write beautiful poetry .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He knew the spot.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But, we were locked up after school.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was scared of men, in general
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
When she asked me how she looked .
He resisted the act ,that day.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We all went to grammer schools
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was very sick at this time too.
So whats the point in blame.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She married twice! .
One cannot live in the past .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers